Melissa McQueen |
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March 03, 2006 -- I haven't written in a LONG time I haven't written in a long time, hence the headline. I am doing a stupid fast with fellow comedian Claudia Maitllen- Harris. How did I get talked into this? It has been hmm, 3 hours and I'm already hungry. I'm a comedian, why am I doing a spiritual fast? I tell fart jokes, I'm not trying to save people's souls. No, I don't tell fart jokes. If you haven't seen my show I talk about my family a lot. Yeah, My sister is doing some jail time, so ol' aunt Mel is getting her two kids for the summer. We will see how that turns out. I have a hard time taking care of myself, taking care of two kids- great idea. No, I love my neice and nephew. My nephew just turned 13 and he is HUGE! He's 6'2 with a 42 in waist and a full blown moustache. The neighbor told him, "my dad can beat up your dad!" My Nephew said.. "I can beat up your dad.". His name is Doug and it reminds me of that Farside cartoon where there is a sign on the fence that reads "beware of Doug". Ok, I'm just rambling. It's because of the fast...yeah, it's because of the fast. Good one. I also can't pay my rent...because of the fast. Hey, this fast ain't so bad. May 25, 2005 -- I don't deal well with rejection..... I am in the wrong business because I do not deal well with rejection. It doesn't matter the kind- from men, about my comedy, ..you name it, I don't like it. I think it has to do with the fact that I was painfully ugly growing up. (Middle school years..but wasn't everyone ugly then?) Anyways, I am on the internet group Myspace.com. I have such a fear that I don't even ask others to join my friend page, afraid they are going to say no. Often I have given my number to guys that I have no interest in, just because I don't want to hurt their feelings, because I know the feeling of rejection. Then I have to spend the next week dodging calls. My good friend suggested that I contact a therapist about this issue. I called the Beverly Hills Counseling Center and got their answering machine. The machine said that they would call me back within 24 to 48 hours.....that was 2 weeks and 4 days ago, but hey who's counting? I wish I was making this up. May 09, 2005 -- Feels good to be home Just got home today from three weeks on the road. Was in Northern Cal, Cincinatti, and Columbus. Highlights of the trip...and lowlights. Northern Cali, Rocked out Neil Diamond with Marc Ryan. Low point..someone old enough to be my grandfather told me I had "nice tits and ass"....booooooo. Creepy. Cincinatti, highlights featuring for Jim Florentine (god, he's cool) the stagecoach bar, almost beating Brad Thacker in arm wrestling, the waffle house, seeing Doug Stanhope stop a fight, and meeting the myth the man the legend, Jeremy Essig. Low point, having to leave..AWESOME club and staff, packed everynight, great crowds. Columbus, highlights featuring for Pablo Francisco on Cinco De Mayo, seeing Pablo get a standing ovation everynight, meeting Maria and hanging with the Essig. Low point, having to drive all over town to dry my underwear after the dryer in the condo broke. I wish this entry was cooler....but It's not....If you read this whole thing you are probably pretty pissed that you wasted a minute reading about my underwear...peace April 29, 2005 -- Cincinnati Alright, alright I have had a few drinks, what, it's a friday night and I am in Cincinnati with some cool ass comics. They got me drunk and we arm wrestled. Brad, if you are out there...it's rematch time. All day tomorrow I will be in my hotel room pumping iron...Don't say I didn't warn you. 23, 2005 -- Why you should always get a forwarding address A rabbi used to live in my house before I moved in...(this sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke, but it's true). Anyways, The rabbi and his family have been gone for over a year now, but I still receive his mail and everyother day someone stops by looking for him. At this point it has become quite annoying. Last night while getting ready to go out, I hear the doorbell ring. I answer the door, and sure enough it is someone looking for the rabbi, Instead of telling him that he moved I just say, "oh sorry he's busy right now." And shut the door...while wearing nothing but a bath towel. |
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